He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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