i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
