if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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