This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He better not be in your backpack
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
