i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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