I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
