I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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