I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
