i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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