i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
