Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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