Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
