so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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