i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
