I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
