There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize