I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
