no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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