I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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