I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
