I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
