im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
