Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
