tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
