I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
my liver is dry heaving
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
