It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
