i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
