I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
how does that bad decision feel?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
