if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
please don't ironically join a cult
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