What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
