Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
