Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
