I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
