ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
