Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
