New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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