There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So much rum. So many feels.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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