Welp...herpes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize