I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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