the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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