Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
