I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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