Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
