R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
