Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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