I need help removing her.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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