ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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