She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
