I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
