Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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