You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
