So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
two words...techno handjob
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
