Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
