i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
