She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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