There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
