I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
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He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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