so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
