someone threw a dead crab at me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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