Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dear god my vagina.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
