I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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