Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
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She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize