I accidentally burped into my bong.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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